I like to use people's names in this journal (when I actually post) so that I can actually remember who I'm talking about, so we'll just say that there are some people who I would rather did not see those entries.

Therefore, I will only add you if I DON'T know you in real life, or under some other random specific circumstances. Yeah. Sorry :/ I don't use this journal very much anymore so if you feel like doing me a favor then head on over to

jaele_works
and take some time to read what I've got + offer concrit (and if you do I will be forever grateful :3).

I suspect that my roommate turns up her music when she is upset with me.
Because she knows it irritates the fuck out of me.

I use earphones out of respect for her, it doesn't mean she should try to force me to listen to her shit by turning it up even more.
It also means that there's probably something I want to hear.

Inconsiderate much?
Can't wait for my headphones to come in, she couldn't overpower those without getting a reprimand from somebody.

I'm really sorry now please let them accept my paper once I've finished it. I can't afford to miss this. I've already fucked up hardcore, if I lose my scholarship that will be it. Please, I'm begging just this once. Whoever's up there, please support me. Protect me. Let me succeed. I cannot afford to fail.

Because I just rerealized, or realized on a different level, just how separated I've become from the people that I used to care about. You know what I like the most about this (prepare yourself for the sarcasm)? They obviously didn't give a fuck about me so I really shouldn't give a fuck about them but I just can't help myself. There are just some people I think are good, and maybe they are; but that doesn't mean that they have to treat me as if I were as good as them - which I believe I am in some ways, though definitely not all.

Point is, I need to find more people that actually give a fuck about me in the way that I want them to, but it's really hard. Because I'm very selective. You can get cut for the smallest things. Maybe even things that make sense. But as far as I'm concerned if we're meant to be together then you'll make it. Same goes for me you know. Imply any standards that you like and I will try to meet them if I can, but I won't force myself to if I don't think that I have to.

So bring it on. I'm overdue for a new beginning.

I sincerely hoped that I could blame this on the alcohol but it's lasted too long. It can only be me.

I feel like just curling up into fetal position in a corner and lamenting myself. God, what is this?

Why, why can't I stop crying?

Now you've gone and upset me more for no reason.

I know you were joking but how many times do I have to tell you that it's not okay before you get it through your fat head?

---

I hate my parents. I HATE them. Doesn't mean that there isn't some part of me that loves them, but most of me hates them. If I couldn't use them then I wouldn't think of them any more highly than a bum on the street or some other form of stupid people.

I say angry things when I'm angry.

Do you see how that doesn't make it okay?


PS: She's only not going because I'm not going and since when do I start overreacting when I'm on my period?!

My Korean teacher.

But of course you must interpret my hate in a Freudian style.

I'm actually ridiculously attracted to him for no apparent reason. I don't know why these things happen, how my brain picks them out. But my brain chose him. Because it secretly wants to torture me all through class.

Now the question remains: to drop or not to drop? And which to drop (class(es))?

My roommate keeps stealing food from me. It's not cool. Food is worth money, god fucking damnit. And I'm paying twice as much as her to be here SHE should be buying me food for fuck's sake.

And she's obviously forgotten, but I haven't: that she owes me ten bucks as it is. For our floor shirts and all the fucking printing I let her do for free. God fucking damnit what the fuck is up with her anyway? She wasn't like this before!!

I need some mother fucking reparation, NOW. Because if you haven't noticed already I'm fucking pissed.

---

And okay, so she's offered me food before. WHEN EVER HAVE I TAKEN ANY AND WHEN EVER HAVE I OFFERED TO HER?

Oh fuck I just remembered. She paid to rent the fridge. So okay, 'tis cool. Because that shit was like a $100, so...now I kinda feel like shit. Yeah. SHIT I SUCK.

Why is it that almost every single time I mentally schedule a time to take a shower, I never can because my roommate will have done something to prevent me from doing so? FUCK.

I suspect it may have something to do with the fact that some of the people who are most important to me are easiest to keep in touch with online - whether through email or social networking sites.  But none of them really live on the internet like I do.  It's like a frequent vacation place for them, but seriously, I act like I live here.  Maybe it's the anonymity?  That's another good guess.  Maybe I'll be back with more on this later.